“Kill sweet desire, faith may numb the trial
But can you run all your life
Kill sweet desire, truth will make a liar
You can run but not hide
Given into this sensation, feel I’ve run too far
Cannot see beyond emotion, see what the options are
With no faith to trust the notion, I fear I’m losing all control
Kill sweet desire…”
Poets of the Fall – Desire
Chapter 14: Sweet Desire
She was frozen no more than five seconds when the phone rang again. Startled by its shrill chirping, she jumped, until she relaxed back into a shocked stupor.
Well, at least I didn’t break Damon’s phone, was the only coherent thought running through her mind.
The phone cut off. There was a few beats of silence. It rang again.
She snapped out of it.
Scooping down, Bella snatched up the phone and answered.
“Bella? Bella, are you alright?” her dad’s voice was rife with panic.
Pulling herself together, Bella managed a somewhat steady, “Sorry dad. I was – I was a bit caught by surprise there.”
He sighed. “Jesus kid, give a guy some warning.”
Although she heard him, Bella’s mind was still caught in a loop. Alice had been to her house. Alice was looking for her. Why was Alice looking for her? Each thought nipped at the heel of the previous until all Bella was capable of thinking was Alice, Alice, Alice.
She cleared her throat. “Yeah, I’m here.”
“Are you – are you okay? Are you gonna check out on me again?”
Despite her shock, she smiled sadly as she realized that a few weeks ago that was exactly what she might have done. But she was different now and while her shock was absolute and completely genuine, the terrible sense of worthlessness was lacking.
After all, if she was starting to feel anger for Edward at the way he had treated her, then she just as easily felt it for Alice who had been her best friend and had left without so much of a how-do-ya-do. At least Edward had laid it all out for her and she knew exactly where she stood with him. With Alice, there was a sense of an almost childlike behavior. Bella felt like the proverbial baby that Alice had stolen candy from.
“No,” she said firmly and given her state of shock, Bella was surprised she meant it so emphatically. But she did mean it with every fiber of her being. That part of her life was over. She no longer held any ties to any of the Cullens except for the lingering threads of sorrow and pain, and Bella wasn’t going to give them the power to hurt her again.
The Cullens had left her life with an abruptness that had wreaked absolute devastation in her life, but as far as Bella was now concerned, they needed to stay gone.
“Listen dad,” she said lowly, her voice vibrating with a burgeoning strength. “I know I didn’t handle them leaving in a healthy way, and I’m sorry for the trouble and concern I must’ve caused you for that. It was wrong of me, I see that now. The Cullens caused me pain, but I should’ve handled it better. I don’t care why she was there, or what she wanted. I’m done with them, and if any of them should stop by again, you can tell them exactly that. I’m not going to let them into my life so they can hurt me again.”
Charlie was quiet for a moment and when he did speak, he sounded suspiciously gruff. “I’m proud of ya, kiddo. If it makes you feel better, I told her you’ve got yourself a real man that will take care of that Edmund punk if he started sniffing around ya again.”
Bella snorted. “Actually, yeah it does make me feel better.”
Good Lord, just the thought of Edward trying to confront Damon had her smiling. There’d be no contest between them. Edward was the kitten to Damon’s tiger.
“To be honest, I’m not sure what she really wanted, Bells. She said she was in town and wanted to speak with you, but she looked a little cagey. I told her about you eloping and she left in a right hurry after that.”
She sighed. Really, it didn’t matter what story Alice cooked up for Charlie since it was more than likely a lie anyway. There was no way she’d ever return to Forks by chance and stopped by just to catch up. The most she figured is how she might have seen something about Victoria, but if that was the case, Alice’s warning was too little too late.
Not to mention completely unnecessary.
There was a faint jingling of keys coming from the front door, heralding Damon’s arrival. When he entered, he gave her a curious eye and she smiled meekly in greeting.
Immediately, his eyes sharpened in concern and his expression positively demanded an explanation. She imagined it’d be fairly obvious to him that something had happened. While her mind seemed safe from being perused, her face always had been an open book.
“Thanks for telling me, dad,” she wound down the conversation. “If she comes by again, any of them really, feel free to tell them exactly what I said.”
“Thatta girl, Bells. Tell that husband of yours I said hey.”
Bella rolled her eyes as Damon gave her a smarmy smile, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.
“Will do, dad. I’ll call you again soon.”
When she hit the end button, Bella held out the phone for Damon to take.
“Thanks for that,” she said. “I don’t want them to worry about me.”
“Worrying for everyone but yourself,” Damon drawled, stepping to her. His hand closed around hers and instead of taking the phone, he pulled her into his chest and gave her his best no-nonsense glare. “Now are you going to tell me what happened?”
She sighed and looked down. She absolutely loathed bringing more drama to Damon’s life and as reticent as she was about telling him, Bella knew he’d get it out of her one way or another so she might as well confess. For as reluctant as they both were to talk about their pasts, maybe it was just best to lay it all out there and cut the suspense, kind of like ripping off a band-aid.
“Hey,” he murmured, bringing his hand under her chin and lifting her face. “I’m more interesting than the floor any day, mina,” he smirked, but then said softly, “Now tell Damon what’s wrong, sugar.”
She huffed something caught between a laugh and a sigh. “Alice went to Charlie’s,” she blurted with no preamble.
He looked at her nonplussed. “Alice in Wonderland? Be more specific, Isabella.”
Bella wanted to roll her eyes at him again, but frankly, he had a point and the action was starting to become a bad habit of hers.
“Alice,” she said deliberately. “Is Edward’s sister.”
“Doucheward has a sister?”
She smiled slightly despite the stress clenching every muscle of her body. “Well, not really. They’re not really related or anything.”
“Isabella,” he cut in and she could tell by his tone that he knew she was being evasive and that he now meant business. “Start from the beginning.”
“It wasn’t just Edward who left me,” she said quickly before she could lose her nerve. “It was him and his family, or his coven, or whatever. None of them were really related, but they posed as a family. They all left, though he was the only one with the courtesy to say goodbye, if that’s what you want to call it. Alice was his sister. She is – was – my best friend.”
Damon was suspiciously quiet. “And she went to your dad’s,” he said softly. “Looking for you?”
“Yeah, I guess. I mean, that’s what she told Charlie, but I doubt that’s true. She probably saw something about Victoria or whatever and came to save the day. But it’s weird. She should’ve seen I wasn’t in Forks…”
“Saw?” he questioned in a deceptively neutral tone.
Bella cleared her throat. This was going to be a fun story, she thought ruefully. “Um yeah, she kind of has visions.”
“She can see the future?” he deadpanned.
“Well, no, or sort of. I don’t really know exactly how it works, Damon. She told me that it was more like she can see the outcome of decisions, but because they’re always changing, nothing she ever saw was really set in stone.”
Thank God, she thought, remembering Alice’s certainty that Bella would be changed into a vampire. She shuddered to think about going through the hell of a transformation only for Edward to get “distracted” and up and leave her.
“And you think, what? That she had some sort of vision of Victoria and came to warn you?”
“I don’t know. Maybe? Honestly, I don’t really care, Damon. I’m sure you can handle Victoria if that’s what she wanted to warn me about, and if it was something else, I’m not interested in hearing it. I’m done with her – with him. They can all go to hell.”
He raised a brow as his customary smirk teased his lips while his hands moved to her hips. “Is that so? You don’t want her back in your life – even if she could bring him back to you?”
His tone was playful, but hidden underneath his confident facade was a genuine vulnerability that said he legitimately wanted to know her answer. Rather than address the concern solemnly and risk Damon becoming defensive, Bella just smiled and said, “What kind of blasphemy are you talking? Who needs him when I’ve got you?”
Damon gave a half-laugh, the hands that had been teasing her on her hips slipped to her ass and pulled her against him. “You’ve got me? Is that so?”
It was amazing how sure of herself she was in that moment. Maybe it was because this time the insecurity wasn’t hers and she was trying to soothe Damon as he’d done for her so many times before. It was shockingly easy to be strong for someone you truly cared for, and Bella was starting to realize exactly how deeply rooted her feelings for Damon were.
A little balloon of fear began to swell up in her chest, but Bella stubbornly popped it before it could choke her. A part of her would probably always be afraid to care too much for another for fear of being abandoned, and that realization made her sad. Edward’s, and by extension his family, leaving had cut her deep and left its scar. She would always have that sense of fear, but Damon was teaching her how not to let it rule her.
For months now, she let fear control her. Now it was time to find her strength to break through it, even if by sheer willfulness alone.
“Yes,” she breathed. “I do have you.”
It didn’t come out as confident as she’d hoped. Her insecurity shone through in the slight inflection at the end as if she’d been posing a question and was unsure of the answer. But still, it was an improvement and Bella relished the small victory.
She’d never be the person she once was, but she’d heal, and maybe that was for the better. Hindsight had made her wiser and Damon had made her stronger. This new Bella she was becoming knew what it meant to be cast adrift in a sea of uncertainty and depression, but now she also knew how to swim without drowning. She was a stronger person for it.
“Well, would you look at that,” Damon said in a jokingly wondering lilt. “That’s my girl. And now that you have me, what do you intend to do with me?”
The blush that swept her went clear on down through her chest and Damon’s grin grew.
“Um,” she stuttered, clearly out of her element.
“Or maybe,” he rescued her from floundering. Slowly, he stepped forward, moving her with him until Bella felt the cold press of the motel wall against her back. “Maybe you should worry about what I’ll do to you now that I have you.”
Her thighs clenched as the lowly murmured threat slipped through her like a sip of hot chocolate melting her from the inside out. A familiar heaviness pulled at her limbs and settled in her chest causing her heart to race and her breathing to quicken.
“Oh, you like that, don’t you, cara mia? You like the idea of all the delicious things I can do to you… that I’ll let you do to me.”
His every word dripped with a dark promise and when he pressed her further into the wall, Bella was not unaware of his reaction to her.
Oh God, her mind stuttered. I make Damon Salvatore hard. She was quite literally struck stupid at the notion.
“Isabella,” he murmured, his head dipping to let his lips skim her neck, a familiar haunt of his, and his fingers tightening on her.
In a movement too fast for her to comprehend, he hoisted her up by her thighs and her legs immediately wrapped around his hips, pulling him even further to her. His presence was suffocating, but at the moment Bella was all too happy to surrender the unyielding feeling of want that sung in her veins a siren’s song far stronger than anything she’d ever felt for Edward what’s-his-name.
“You make me forget everything,” he muttered into her neck as his arms tightened around her. “You make me believe in more.”
The confession moved her all the more because she knew a part of Damon hated her for this. A man such as him loathed anything that could be perceived as weakness, and instead of letting his own fear rule him, he had found the strength to make this confession to her; an offering of his worth and a demonstration of his determination to communicate better with her as he’d promised.
Bella didn’t know how or when it started, but Damon cared for her too, so very much that his feelings for her were starting to override his deep-seated sense of self-preservation.
There was no way Bella couldn’t return the favor.
“Damon,” she breathed, her hands skimming up his arms and over his shoulders until they finally slipped passed his neck to bury into his thick hair. “You make me better. You make everything better.”
It was the closest either of them had ever gotten to voicing their feelings, but it seemed to Bella that a new kind of understanding sizzled between them. An acknowledgment of things to come.
His lips crushed hers and smothered all rational thought within her. Their tongues clashed in a battle of dominance neither was willing to concede and without knowing what was coming over her, Bella sunk her teeth into his lower lip and tugged.
The moan that action elicited out of him should’ve been illegal and it spurred her on further.
“Yes,” he pulled back to hiss, stark approval dripping in the word.
His mouth covered hers again in a motion so quick and insistent that their teeth clashed until Damon adjusted their rhythm and there was nothing but lips, tongue and sweet need that burned through them, a raging inferno devouring her fear and doubt into ash.
“Damon,” she moaned, sounding vaguely pleading.
There was no doubting her body knew what she was asking him for, but the small corner of her mind reserved for shy, awkward Bella balked. There was still a sense that this was wrong, that she wasn’t allowed physical intimacy with a vampire.
But that had been Edward and his Victorian, overprotective, overinflated concerns for her well-being. Now Bella knew the truth: what good was Edward’s kind of love that came with stipulations and conditions she had no say in? What good was safe and demure kisses designed to rile her up with no physical outlet? What good was safe and protected when she could have passion and wild?
What good was Edward Cullen who always said no when she had Damon Salvatore between her legs, his body moving against her in an unrestrained promise of yes.
“Yes,” she breathlessly echoed her thoughts as her body responded to the unspoken question Damon had poised by moving against her. Bella writhed against him in answer, wanting more – knowing that, for the first time, more was possible.
“Isabella,” he responded. “My Isabella.”
There was frank possessiveness there that Bella was surprised to find herself returning. She may be his at the moment, but he was just as equally hers.
They returned to their frantic kissing and Damon’s body moved against her, finding every single erogenous zone on her with his hands, lips, tongue, and his hips. Heat suffused between them, like two stones rubbing together creating sparks that quickly grew into a wildfire.
Before she knew it, Damon’s leather jacket and shirt were on the floor and the nightshirt he’d left for her to wear was unbuttoned and hanging limply on her shoulders. Damon surged forward and his chest rubbed against her breasts, a delicious friction that had her entire body jolting until the feeling centered and resonated in the spot between her legs and had her stomach bottoming out with a heavy, yearning ache.
“Damon,” she moaned again, a slight hint of fear behind his name this time.
“Sh-h, mina. I’ve got you,” he said between kisses. “I know what you need.”
He sounded like a devil bargaining for her soul. Bella was all too eager to hand it over.
There was a whirl of movement and Damon had moved them again. This time it was the slightly stiff but yielding mattress of their bed against her back with Damon hover over her.
“I’ll take care of you, mina,” he murmured against her collarbone. He seemed unable to stop moving and was everywhere at once, hands skimming and dipping over every crevice of her body until his left hand hiked her leg around his hips and the right slipped between them, moving with slow but steady purpose towards her underwear.
She squirmed against him in eager anxiousness and Damon hushed her again before kissing her reassuringly the exact moment his hand reached its goal and moved, Damon swallowing her gasp.
Bella burned. An incredible heat cascaded through her, coaxed to life by Damon’s confident fingers stroking, beckoning the heat from her, coaxing the fire higher.
“Damon, please,” she groaned, unable to articulate the sense of urgency singing in her blood combined with the slight trepidation she still felt. The sensations he evoked were new and different and as exciting as they were, they were also equally scary.
“I’ve got you, Isabella,” he promised. “I’ll catch you.”
At his words, the fire rose higher until it broke out across her body in trembling shivers, his name escaping her lips in a breathless gasp she repeated over and over. He kissed her softly, reassuringly as she shook under him in the aftermath of her first orgasm.
They laid there for some time after, their hands smoothing over each other, light kisses pressed to random body parts. As exhausted as she was, there was a new thrumming of life radiating throughout Bella’s entire body. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, Damon had set her afire and she felt reborn.
She felt so very alive.
(A/N): Not sure if it shows, but this was my first lime! I’m a little nervous, so please let me know what you think!