Steph trudged down the stairs that would lead her to the meeting room in the basement of St. Patricks Parish. She couldn’t believe she let the guys talk her into capturing this skip.
“No,” she told them. “He was given to you for a reason. I’m not qualified to go after him.”
“Please, Steph? He’s just a kid, really. Probably didn’t tell his mommy about the hearing because he didn’t want to get grounded. We’re short-staffed right now. Please.”
“Ugh. Fine.” She took the folder from their hands and flipped through it, noticing that all the legwork was done for her. All she had to do was pretend to be a doctor and pick him up from whatever meeting he was going to.
She heard some shouting and some laughter coming from behind the closed door she was standing in front of. Scoffing at the sign on the door; Anonymous Anonymous, she straightened her shoulders, took a deep breath and let it out before pushing the door open. Only to stop in shock at the collected faces looking back at her.
Trying not to let any of them see that they intimidated the hell out of her, she cleared her throat and moved to the front of the group.
“Good evening. My name is Dr. Stephanie Plum, but you can call me-”
“Ripe for the picking.”
Narrowing her eyes at being interrupted, she turned towards the voice only to bite back a startled gasp at seeing the masked man.
“I was going to say Steph. You can call me Steph.”
“You can call me Daddy.”
Shaking her head, she tried to ignore him by turning her head back towards the rest of the group. “I would like everyone to go around the room and introduce themselves. Please give a brief overview of why you are here.”
“Me. Me. Me. I’ll go first.” At her apprehensive nod, he stood up. “I’m Deadpool, but you can call me Daddy. I like Chimichangas, sharp objects and BEWBS.” He looked to the left where no one was sitting and winked.
“Who are you winking at?” she questioned him.
“My readers. My fans.”
“There’s no one there?” she said, her voice raising at the end, causing it to sound more like a question.
Looking back to the left again, he soothed them. “Don’t listen to her. I know you’re there.”
“Uh, anyways, I don’t think that’s what we are here for.”
“No. Thank you, but no. Next.”
Tony stood up and looked around the room with a smirk on his face. “I’m Iron Man.”
Steph noticed that the person next to him rolled their eyes and scoffed.
“I’m pretty sure she knows who you are, Stark.”
“Hey, Capsicle, I’m just giving her what she asked for, when she asked for it. Can you say the same, for any part in your life?”
“Dude, below the belt.”
“No. It’s fine, Clint. We should all be used to Tony trying to make himself seem like the better person. He has to compensate for-”
Steph stood there slack jawed as all hell broke loose. Insults were flying, thunder was sounding and Deadpool was eating popcorn. She did a double take and sure enough, he was sitting in rapt attention, trying to eat popcorn and watch the fight in front of him.
Looking back into the chaos that was surrounding her, she noticed the teen she was there for, was walking towards the door. Deciding to follow him, she grabbed her bag and sidled up to him.
“You never did introduce yourself.”
“Uh, yeah.” He cleared his throat. “Peter Parker.” He answered as he gripped the strap to his backpack a little tighter.
“Well, Peter, I hate to do this to you, but I need you to come with me. I’m a bond enforcement agent and you’re in violation of your bond.”
“Are you kidding me? That was a joke. The charges were dropped. It was all a misunderstanding.”
Steph shrugged and apologized. “As much as I’d like to believe you, I have the paperwork to apprehend you. You need to at least come down to the station with me and talk to the lead detective on the case.” She reached into her bag and pulled out a pair of cuffs.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t go in with you.” He shot out some webbing, taking the cuffs from her hand.
She looked down and gasped. “Are you fucking kidding me? They told me you were just a kid, not fucking SPIDERMAN! You know what, just go. I don’t care anymore.” She walked away, muttering to herself, about crazy superheroes and AA meetings, leaving a very confused Peter on the sidewalk.
She picked up her phone once she made it back to her car. Hitting speed dial one, she waited for the Man himself to pick up and wasn’t surprised when it went to voicemail. Clearing her throat she left her message.
“Assholes. All of you are assholes. Pick up fucking Spiderman yourself.”